Why “Just Let It Go” Is the Worst Advice for Trauma Healing
(And What Actually Helps Instead)
If you’ve ever opened up about past trauma—maybe to a friend, a family member, or even a therapist who should know better—you’ve may have heard some version of this:
“Just let it go.”
“The past is the past.”
“You need to move on already.”
“Stop letting it control you.”
And maybe, for a second, you thought: Okay, sure. I’d love to just let it go. I’d love to magically move on. But how?
Because here’s the truth: Healing from trauma is not a choice you make in a single moment. It’s a process. And forcing yourself to “just get over it” doesn’t work—it only makes things worse.
Let’s break down why this advice is not only useless but harmful, what healing actually looks like, and what to do when people just don’t get it.
The Myth of “Just Letting It Go”
The idea that we can simply “let go” of trauma like an old sweatshirt that no longer fits is wildly unrealistic. Trauma doesn’t live in the logical part of your brain. It’s not something you can decide to forget or file away neatly like an old document.
Where Trauma Actually Lives
Trauma gets stored in your nervous system. It impacts how you think, how you feel, how you respond to stress, and even how your body reacts to certain triggers. It shows up in ways you don’t expect:
Feeling exhausted all the time because your nervous system is stuck in survival mode.
Overreacting to something small and not understanding why.
Freezing up when someone raises their voice—even if you logically know you’re not in danger.
People-pleasing to avoid conflict, even when it hurts you.
Feeling disconnected from your own emotions or body.
Telling someone to just let it go is like telling someone with a broken leg to just walk it off. It’s dismissive, invalidating, and ignores the very real ways trauma affects the brain and body.
Trauma Changes Your Brain—Literally
Trauma isn’t just “all in your head.” Studies show that trauma physically rewires your brain, making it harder to regulate emotions, feel safe, and trust yourself and others.
The amygdala (the fear center) becomes overactive, making you more reactive to perceived threats.
The hippocampus (responsible for processing memory) can shrink, making it harder to distinguish past from present.
The prefrontal cortex (responsible for logic and decision-making) becomes less active, making it harder to rationalize through emotional responses.
In other words, trauma changes your brain’s operating system. You can’t just delete the “trauma file” and expect things to run smoothly again. Healing requires rewiring—not repressing.
Why This Advice Feels Like Gaslighting
When someone tells you to move on or just stop thinking about it, they’re usually not trying to be cruel. They’re often uncomfortable, unsure of how to help, or they simply don’t understand how trauma works.
But here’s the problem: It can feel like gaslighting.
When you’re struggling with flashbacks, anxiety, dissociation, or deep emotional pain, and someone implies that the solution is as simple as “letting go,” it makes you question yourself.
Am I overreacting?
Should I be better by now?
Maybe I’m just too sensitive…
No. You’re not overreacting. You’re not too sensitive. Your trauma is real, and healing takes time.
What Healing Actually Looks Like (Hint: It’s Messy)
Healing from trauma isn’t about pretending it never happened. It’s about learning how to move through it—safely, at your own pace, and in a way that feels right for you.
1. Processing Your Trauma (Not Ignoring It)
Trauma doesn’t go away just because you want it to. You have to process it—whether that’s through therapy, journaling, talking it out with someone you trust, or another method that works for you.
Unprocessed trauma tends to show up in unexpected ways: chronic anxiety, difficulty trusting people, self-sabotage, or even physical symptoms like migraines or digestive issues.
Healing means facing your experiences in a way that helps you move forward, not pretending they never happened.
2. Understanding Your Triggers
One of the most frustrating things about trauma is that it can make the smallest things feel huge. A smell, a song, a certain tone of voice—it can all send your brain into survival mode.
Healing doesn’t mean you’ll never have triggers. It means learning how to recognize them, understand them, and respond to them in a way that doesn’t feel like life-or-death.
That might look like:
Identifying what triggers you and why.
Practicing grounding techniques when you feel overwhelmed.
Learning to separate past trauma from present reality.
3. Rewiring Your Nervous System
Trauma keeps your body on high alert. It teaches your nervous system that the world isn’t safe, even when you are safe. Healing means retraining your body and brain to feel calm without being hypervigilant all the time.
Try these:
Breathwork & movement – Helps regulate your nervous system.
Journaling – Gives your emotions a place to go.
Mindfulness – Helps you stay in the present instead of reliving the past.
It’s not about forcing yourself to move on. It’s about helping your body and brain feel safe again.
4. Setting Boundaries Without Guilt
If you grew up in an environment where your needs weren’t prioritized, setting boundaries can feel wrong. But healing requires creating a space where you feel emotionally safe.
You don’t have to engage with people who dismiss your trauma.
You don’t have to forgive people who hurt you.
You don’t owe anyone access to you, especially if they’re a source of harm.
It’s not about cutting people off for the sake of it. It’s about protecting your peace and allowing yourself the space to heal.
5. Accepting That Healing Isn’t Linear
Healing isn’t a straight path. Some days, you’ll feel great—like you’ve finally figured things out. Other days, something small will trigger you, and you’ll feel like you’re back at square one.
That doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human.
Real talk: Healing is two steps forward, one step back. Progress can feel slow, but every step counts.
What to Say Instead of “Just Let It Go”
If you know someone who’s struggling with trauma, please don’t tell them to move on. Try this instead:
“I believe you.”
“You don’t have to rush your healing.”
“It’s okay to feel how you feel.”
“What do you need right now?”
Sometimes, people don’t need advice. They just need someone to see them and hold space for their experience.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve to Heal—On Your Own Terms
If “just letting it go” worked, trauma wouldn’t be a thing. But it is a thing. And it deserves care, attention, and real healing—not dismissive advice.
You’re not weak for struggling.
You’re not broken for not being “over it.”
You’re allowed to take your time.
If you’re looking for a space where you can heal—without being told to get over it—Hive Wellness Collective is here for you. We offer therapy in Ann Arbor, Dexter & virtual throughout Michigan and all of our clinicians are dedicated ot providing neurodivergent-affirming, trauma-informed care.
You don’t have to do this alone. Get in touch today and start your path to healing — on your terms.