Why Traditional Self-Care Doesn’t Work for Neurodivergent Brains
Let’s Talk About Self-Care (And Why It’s Not Working for You)
Self-care. It’s the thing everyone swears will fix your burnout, anxiety, and general exhaustion. But if you’re neurodivergent—whether you have ADHD, autism, sensory processing differences, or just a brain that doesn’t fit the neurotypical mold—you’ve probably realized something frustrating:
Traditional self-care doesn’t work for you.
Bubble baths? You get bored five minutes in.
Journaling? You have about ten half-filled notebooks collecting dust.
Meditation? You try, but your brain is like a browser with 47 tabs open at once.
And don’t even get me started on the whole “just relax” advice. If relaxing was easy, we wouldn’t be so exhausted in the first place.
So, if you’ve ever felt like you’re failing at self-care, I need you to hear this loud and clear: you’re not the problem.
The Problem With Traditional Self-Care Advice
Most mainstream self-care advice assumes a few things:
You can follow through with routines easily. (Hello, executive dysfunction.)
You find stillness relaxing. (Not when your brain thrives on stimulation.)
You don’t get overwhelmed by the “simple” things. (Decision fatigue, anyone?)
The reality is, neurodivergent brains function differently—so the self-care strategies that work for neurotypical people often backfire on us.
Executive dysfunction makes it hard to start or sustain self-care habits.
Sensory sensitivities mean some “relaxing” activities (like baths or massages) can actually be overstimulating.
Rejection sensitivity makes it easy to spiral into guilt if we don’t do self-care “right.”
This means that what’s supposed to help us feel better often leaves us feeling more frustrated, disconnected, and exhausted.
So, instead of forcing yourself into routines that don’t fit, let’s reimagine self-care in a way that actually works for your brain.
What to Try Instead: Self-Care That Actually Works for Neurodivergent Brains
If traditional self-care leaves you frustrated, here are five neurodivergent-friendly alternatives that might actually help.
1. Body Doubling: The Magic of “Together, But Separate”
Ever struggle to do basic self-care because you can’t get yourself to start? Enter body doubling—a game-changer for ADHD and executive dysfunction. This is when you do tasks alongside someone else, even if they’re doing something completely different.
Why it works: Many neurodivergent people struggle with task initiation. Having another person present (even virtually) can kickstart motivation and help with accountability.
Try this:
Skincare Routine? Have a friend on FaceTime while you do it.
Cleaning Your Space? Join an online “focus room” where others are also getting things done.
Eating Regularly? Sit with a partner or roommate during meals, even if they’re not eating.
Sometimes, just knowing someone else is “with” you makes things easier.
2. Sensory-Based Relaxation (Instead of “Quiet Time”)
If “calm down” techniques make you more anxious, try sensory-based self-care instead. Many neurodivergent brains regulate through stimulation, not silence.
Swap traditional mindfulness for active regulation techniques like:
Weighted blankets + noise-canceling headphones
Fidget toys or sensory rings while watching TV
Pacing or rocking while listening to music or podcasts
Playing with water (showers, baths, or running hands under cool water)
Why it works: Many neurodivergent brains don’t find “stillness” relaxing—they find stimulation regulating.
Self-care isn’t just about “doing nothing.” Sometimes, it’s about giving your nervous system what it actually needs.
3. Dopamine-Fueled Self-Care (Because Boredom is the Enemy)
For ADHD brains, low dopamine = low motivation. If your self-care feels boring, your brain will reject it. The solution? Make it dopamine-friendly.
Swap:
❌ Forced meditation → Walking while listening to an engaging podcast
❌ Staring at a blank journal page → Voice memos or bullet journaling with stickers
❌ Tedious skincare routine → Turning it into a “spa experience” with scents, music, and fun textures
Why it works: When self-care is interesting and engaging, your brain is more likely to actually do it.
4. “Messy” Self-Care: Done is Better Than Perfect
Perfectionism is a common struggle for neurodivergent folks, and it can make self-care feel like another overwhelming task on your to-do list. So let’s reframe it:
Eating something (even if it’s not a “perfect” meal) is self-care.
Washing some of your face (even if it’s just a makeup wipe) is self-care.
Moving a little (even if it’s just stretching in bed) is self-care.
Why it works: The goal isn’t to have a flawless self-care routine. Messy self-care is still self-care.
5. Novelty & Change: Permission to Ditch Routines When You Need To
Neurodivergent brains often crave novelty—so if you’re forcing yourself into the same routine every day, it’s no wonder you get bored.
Instead of rigid routines, try self-care menus:
Make a list of different self-care options—small, medium, and big effort levels.
Rotate through them based on what your brain/body needs that day.
Give yourself permission to change things up when it stops working.
Why it works: Consistency doesn’t mean doing the same thing forever—it means consistently meeting your needs.
You Deserve Self-Care That Actually Works for You
If traditional self-care hasn’t worked, it’s not because you’re bad at taking care of yourself. It’s because those methods weren’t designed for you. And that’s okay.
At Hive Wellness Collective, we specialize in neurodivergent-affirming therapy that helps you find real, practical strategies that fit your unique brain.
We offer therapy in Ann Arbor and Dexter for in-person support and we also offer virtual therapy throughout Michigan—so help is easy and accessible wherever you are.
If you’re ready to work with a therapist who actually understands what it’s like to navigate life with a neurodivergent brain, we’d love to help. Reach out today to learn more or schedule a session.
Because self-care should make you feel better—not more frustrated. 💛